Sometimes I get so scared. Scared of what my future is supposed to be like, what I’m told is inevitable.
I always thought I’d get used to it one day, the knowledge of one day in the terrifyingly near future my life would become harder than I could bear. I thought I would be able to handle the disappointment my life would hold, but the painful truth is hard to swallow.
At times I want to blame someone, to point my finger and say “it’s your fault”, because otherwise the anger may simply swallow me whole. Being able to place blame may give me a feeling of satisfaction, but it won’t cure me or make me happy. Looking forward may not be easy for me, but no ones life is easy, everyone has their own challenges and knows the meaning of pain, all we can do is live the life we’ve been given and hope for the future.
In high school our teacher asked the class to write down what we wanted to be in the future, to put it in a sealed envelope and open it on graduation day. Not knowing what my future would hold I thought little about what I wrote, sealed it in an envelope and gave it to the teacher. On graduation day I was given the letter I had long forgotten, as I opened it I thought “this is stupid, I probably can’t do what I want for my future anyway so why even think about it”. On the piece of paper I read “I want to be… happy”. It doesn’t matter what my future holds, I just want to be happy!